Tuesday, January 19, 2016

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

Brad didn’t have “hoes in different area codes” in the traditional sense (which, MOM, is when someone has a different woman in each city that he visits).

No, Brad had just one hoe in another area code and he’d fly that hoe to whatever area code he was visiting on business.


And it was conveniently an area code that did not include his girlfriend Becky.

This other girl was not a jet-setting prostitute. She was his ex-girlfriend (ugghhh), a woman named Amy who Becky had known about, who lived across the country in Seattle.


My friend Becky dated Brad for a YEAR after being introduced through mutual friends. They hit it off immediately. 

Six months into the relationship, he told Becky not to renew her lease, but to move in with him instead.

SWOON!

They had gone on vacations together, got a DOG, and were seemingly committed to a domesticated life together.

Brad travelled a lot for work (LOL), but he was successful and made good money and Becky didn’t mind babysitting the dog. She was happy.

But then, as Becky was helping Brad clean up clutter for her impending move, she found a photo of Brad and Amy with a hand-written letter about how much Amy missed him and how Amy was hanging pictures of him all over her apartment in Seattle.

Becky noticed that it was written and sent within the past six months.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Ummmm....what's going on here?" Becky asked.

Brad swore that nothing was going on, that Amy was just “desperate and lonely” and was grasping at straws.

(When really he was racking up his frequent flyer miles to fly Amy all over the country.)

“I want you to move in with me,” Brad insisted to Becky.

LOL

Becky moved forward with Brad, even though her instincts said something was off.

And it just got worse.

“At one point, he left for a ‘business trip’ to Atlanta. When he was supposed to come home, he said he got a flat and needed to stay the night because no shops were open to fix it,” Becky recalls.

LOL

They both went home to their respective hometowns for Thanksgiving and even though they texted or talked every day, when Brad got back, he stopped answering all Becky’s calls and texts. 

...Which isn’t the most comfortable thing when you’re planning to move in with that person in the next two months.

Becky said after two days of not returning her calls (Unacceptable, this was her boyfriend), she drove over to his apartment and barged in with her key. Brad was asleep.

Becky was so mad that she woke him up, hurled her key at him and told him, thoughtfully, “Screw you!! Where the H have you been?”

Brad’s response started out nice.

"I'm so sorry...you're the most beautiful woman I've ever been with, and you're so kind and...”

But then it got worse.

“Well, I'm sorry... I just.... I am going to get back together with Amy."

WHAT??????

“We’ve been talking...” Brad continued.

WHAT??????

(Ed note: Talking. Hahahahaha)

Becky went numb.

Talking??? Talking at Thanksgiving???

??????????

Becky told Brad she couldn’t understand how they could have started up again because Amy lives 4,000 miles away.

Then she thought some more.

“WHEN did this happen??” she asked. “Seriously tell me when this happened.”

Brad admitted that it wasn’t “just Thanksgiving” (BUT IT WAS THANKSGIVING TOO...JERK). 

Brad had ALSO slept with Amy in Atlanta, slept with her in North Carolina, basically slept with her all up and down the East Coast—“he was literally flying all over the country to hook up with her and paying for her tickets, too,” Becky said.

OMG.

Of course, Brad couldn’t be bothered to tell Becky about his SIDE HOE during the entire year they were together, but now he had to tell her because...Amy was coming to stay with him for the next three months.

!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG

NEWSFLASH: BECKY WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE ALREADY MOVED IN WITH HIM DURING AMY’S PLANNED VISIT.

!!!!!!!!!!!!

Way to wait until the last possible minute, asshole!!!

“And he said something like, ‘I'm sorry. I want to be friends...’” Becky recalls.

LOL

!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was the absolute worst.

What guy with a girlfriend invites his ex to come live with him for three months??? 
This dude was almost 40.

Becky cursed the day she met him, cursed all the stupid promises he made and promptly re-signed the lease to her own apartment.

Several months later, Becky got a text from Brad asking if she wanted to go on a walk with the dog.

Becky ignored him AND his subsequent texts about getting together “as just friends.”

“What the hell is going on?” she fumed to a mutual friend.

And then the revelation: “I come to find out he literally texted me the day after Amy left to go back to Seattle.”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ugh.

HOE.

-Jenny

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