Tuesday, May 12, 2015

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

Fun with lists!!

Because, as Shakespeare said, “Brevity is the soul of wit.”

Or, as Buzzfeed says, “We have successfully managed to limit your attention span to the length of lists."

(P.S. “You won’t BELIEVE number 4...”)

And, as I say, “I’m up to my ass in deadlines for work I actually get paid to do and don’t have a lot of time for toolbags right now.”

But, let’s just go with the brevity-soul-wit thing:

Below are my favorite one-to-two sentence descriptions from my friends who have submitted a Toolbag Tuesday story.

They may be expanded later into their own special posts, but just standing alone, they get the point across.

Just for clarification....


THESE ARE DON’TS.

Especially #4...jerk


1.) He lectured me in bed about how my apartment was a mess and I need to clean up my life while he himself has no place to live and has been a professional bed-surfer for three years.

2.) After four great dates and two sleepovers, he disappeared for a week and then texted me with a witty and urbane, "Hi."

3.) I invited my ex to my 28th birthday party. He texts back that he really wishes he could make it but has to work. He then asks me if I am seeing anyone. I say, "no" and then ask him why. His reply was "I'm engaged." WTF why do that do me the day before my birthday?

4.) After three months of dating, he didn’t get me anything for my birthday.

5.) I don't know how common it is to have a guy tell you a girl has cancer to get away with attempting to cheat with her.

6.) Follow up to the same guy from #5: He indicated I deserve to be punished because I told my friends what happened and made “everyone think poorly of him.”

7.) When the liquor shot set in, the guy I just met begins doing this nod thing towards the door and slurring "So, do you want to, like, go somewhere and...make out or something"

8.) This guy says two words to me at a party and goes in for a kiss without even being introduced. When I said, ummmm no, his response was, “So, you’re just going to reject me all night?”

9.) I would text him and say "I want to see you tonight." But he was too busy sitting at home with his cat and would see me the next day at his convenience.

10.) He tells me that for him to give me my stuff back I need to unblock him on Facebook because that's the NICE thing to do.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

“What a piece of work is a man” -Shakespeare

-Jenny

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