Tuesday, April 28, 2015

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

In the dating world in 2015, you haven’t really lived unless you’ve been on a terrible Tinder online date.

But my friend Martha wins for most terrible (well, winning here is really losing) because her date LEFT THE BAR WHEN SHE WENT TO THE BATHROOM.

Oh yes.

Left the bar. When she went to the bathroom.

I suppose I don’t need any more elaboration than that, but it gets worse.

(Oh dear.)

Yes, Nathan, our strapping young suitor with the manners of...an ASSHOLE...thought it would be totally acceptable to NOT say goodbye, not even attempt a “nice to meet you” and decided to bolt when Martha went to pee.

Newsflash: People are not like video games where you can just hit the off button and walk away when you decide you don’t like it. People have feelings....DOUCHE.

Seriously, it would be less mortifying if she was just stood up completely.

Not that Martha particularly liked Nathan anyway. But still, it was a date, one where she took time out of her life to get ready, drive to the bar, meet him and give him a chance. 

And even though she didn’t like him, she was fully prepared to SAY GOODBYE.

It's not like they got into a fight or anything. 

But instead, she found herself walking out of the bathroom like normal but finding no one sitting at the bar, just Nathan’s EMPTY BEER GLASS.

At first, she thought Nathan may have been in the bathroom, too, because how could someone possibly be that rude?

Was he outside? Martha wondered. Was he at his car?

Getting more concerned, Martha waited for TWO WHOLE MINUTES looking around when it dawned on her that no, he left. HE EFFING LEFT.

She had never experienced such blatantly rude behavior in her life.

It was at that moment when the bartender got her attention.

“You want me to close out your tab, too?”

 !!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Of COURSE Nathan couldn’t have paid for her beer, not even as a $4.50 consolation prize for getting ditched.

Martha was embarrassed and furious at the same time and was closing out her tab when she ran into a guy friend who played on her kickball team.

Martha had never been so happy to see a friendly face in her life.

She gave him the one-sentence summary: “THIS DUDE LEFT WHEN I WAS IN THE BATHROOM!!!” and they laughed about it over drinks. (Well...she tried to laugh about it.)

It was about 15 minutes later, Martha said (“one beer later”) when she saw the unthinkable: NATHAN WALKED BACK INTO THE BAR.

BACK INTO THE SCENE OF THE CRIME!!

Martha said Nathan’s face drained of all its color when he saw her still sitting there.

HA

And then, he did the most typical thing one would expect a guy like him to do: HE DID A COMPLETE 180 and walked right back outside.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I guess he thought 15 minutes was enough time for her to be mortified enough to leave, so he could come BACK?!?!?

And did he think she didn't see him????!

Seriously.

WHAT.

A.

DOUCHE.

What an amazing douche.

I personally wish Martha would have screamed, “I’M STILL HERE MOTHERF*CKER!!!” at him while making some sort of threatening gang sign.

...But that would have been rude.

No, she should have locked him in the bathroom.

And then left.

-Jenny

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