Tuesday, April 14, 2015

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

There are several acceptable reasons why someone would use the phrase, “No one is going to marry you if....”

And here are some:


“...If you keep smoking crack.”


“...If you keep sleeping with your friend’s husband.”


“...If you keep telling people your favorite movie of all-time is Friday.”


(Um. For example.)


But the exceptions are very few and far between. 


There are very few cases where that line is acceptable. 


Because not ONLY is it a completely mean and rude thing to say, but no one knows EVERYONE in the world so they can’t even really MAKE that claim.


Like, SOME people don’t mind that the movie Friday has all the action, romance and comedy one needs in a 90-minute film.


SMOKEY!!!!!!!


But in all seriousness, that’s a shitty thing to hear from anyone. 


Especially someone you’re dating.


(Hearing that line from someone you’re dating is the moment where you realize that you’ve wasted all your time with a person.)


But WASTES of times happen, and in this case, the WASTE OF TIME was George, this guy my friend Sarah dated.


George and Sarah met in a small Georgia town where she was from, and they dated for almost a year when Sarah had an epiphany about her purpose in life: she wanted to be a lawyer. 


She was super smart (well, except the part about dating George) and she was good at English and writing. 


She made the decision to apply to an in-state law school when George decided that he had something to tell her.


“You know, no one is going to marry you if you become a lawyer,” he said.


....................


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


??????????????????????


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


I MEAN....WHAT????


Sarah was so taken aback she fell right into the 1950s, or maybe the 1850s.


“EXCUSE ME?” Sarah asked, ink on her face from her application.


“What does being a lawyer have to do with me not being marry-able?” she asked.


It was a chance for George to dig himself out of this sexist hole by maybe saying that law school takes a long time, and marriage would take a back seat and what about a family, blah blah blah 


(Like guys UNDER 35 even give a shit about that, outside of PODUNK Georgia.)


But instead of making his bullsh*t statement about them and their future, George responded with, “I’m just traditional.”


Traditional.


HA!


Like it’s traditional for women to NOT be rich and successful.


Female lawyers can’t very well be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, now can they????? 


Seriously. A 20-something guy honestly had these thoughts on the place of females in society. This century.


Oi Vey. 

Let’s blow up Georgia.

UGH.


How about, "No one is going to marry you if you don't get your HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS?"


DOUCHE.

Obviously, we didn’t last very long after that,” Sarah THE LAWYER told me last week, before she went to a hearing where she was going to make $7,000 for one week of work.


SNAP!


Oh, and she’s been proposed to three times. 

Bahahahahahahahaha


...And that’s why, kids, you always always screw tradition.


-Jenny

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