Tuesday, December 9, 2014

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

Perhaps it wasn’t the best idea for my friend Mallory, who owns her own accounting firm, to date Henry, her recently-hired assistant (and her only employee).

But Henry was incredibly attractive and they got closer as they worked together in close quarters.

Also, because she had hired him, she knew that he had no criminal record and a good credit score (ha).

They dated for almost six months and things started out great, but Mallory said Henry started showing “some weird control issues.”

“Maybe it was the fact that I had all the power over him,” she said. (And signed his paychecks.)

Because it wasn’t your normal picking-a-fight stuff. It wasn’t a complaint or a disagreement about anything.

Henry just started acting out, like a frustrated toddler.

...And Mallory was mean mommy.

For example: “We were getting in the car, and I was locking up and I said, ‘Will you take this to the car?’ and handed him my laptop bag. He walked out to the car with it and instead of putting it in the trunk, dropped it in the middle of the road,” Mallory said.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

??????????????

“I asked him, ‘Why did you do that?’ and he said, ‘because you didn't say 'please.' You have no respect for me.’”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Mallory said this was an ongoing issue: Henry would constantly accuse her of having “no respect for him,” which was HIS paranoia and not true (at least not at the beginning).

Constantly, he’d try and wield what little power he could come up with about the most ridiculous things.

“Once I shut his laptop without turning it off which turned into a fight about ‘me not having respect for his property,’” Mallory said.

Hahahahahaha

(Uhhhh she has no respect for his laptop because she closed it without turning it off, yet he drops her laptop in the middle of the street to make a point???)

Henry the Hypocrite!!!

Of course their “fights” were always about a laptop. Because that’s literally all Henry had to work with---hahahahahaha

After one particular three-hour fight, again, ABOUT A LAPTOP, Mallory said they finally broke up and Henry decided to move back home five states away.

He kept in touch after he moved away, and kept texting Mallory sweet things. When it was tax crunch time (April?) she said Henry asked her if he could come back to town and help her with work.

“I was swamped so I said yes and offered to put him up in a hotel,” Malloy said.

But Henry insisted that he was fine staying at her place.

What the hell, Mallory thought.

They had a fun couple of days together sleeping in the same bed and playing with his dog that she missed terribly.

But she couldn’t help notice that Henry was on his phone, constantly texting.

After some prying on her part, it came out that Henry was actually dating someone in his hometown. For the past three months.

Ugh.

But Mallory took it in stride and simply told him to sleep on the couch that night.

It wasn’t even a rude gesture. She could have very well kicked him out completely.

But of course, that gave her all the power again. 

Her house, her couch, her rules. 

And we all know how well Henry does with Mallory having power.

“He left the next day without telling me, didn’t even finish the work I paid him to do and took all the money,” she said.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

So, obviously, Mallory kept his laptop.

-Jenny

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