Tuesday, October 28, 2014

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

My friend Tara went to a work conference a few states away and met a very cute musician who was also from out of town. 

Hank the musician bought her exactly two drinks and then said he’d like to spend the night in her hotel room.

Hahahahahaha


His “I want to stay in your hotel room” request wasn’t a lust thing. 


They weren’t on the most incredible date in the world or all over each other or anything. 


Tara got a feeling that he just needed a place to crash.

“Ummm...no,” she said. “I don’t bring strangers to my hotel room.”


It was a simple and eloquent response to a dipshit request. 


Tara said Hank was put-off, but he seemingly respected her decision (hahahhahaha foreshadowing). 


They exchanged numbers anyway—“maybe I’ll be in your neck of the woods one day,” he said—and then he left the bar, probably to find another bar/bed to sleep in.


Sure, Hank was cute, but she was not that kind of girl. And he was a stranger in a strange city and that’s how people end up chopped up into tiny pieces in a gym bag. 

(I need to stop watching Forensic Files before bed.)


A few weeks after Tara returned to town, she got a text message from Hank. 


“Hey I’m in town playing a wedding, do you want to meet up?” he asked.


Tara was pleasantly surprised. 


The cute guy was texting her! 
And he hadn’t even asked to crash at her place!

Ha

“Sure!” she wrote back. “Where are you?”


When he told her, she frowned. He was 45 minutes away. 


Ugh. 


But Tara hadn’t met anyone cute in a while and wanted to see him again, so she drove the 45 minutes. 


She got to the wedding location at 5:30 and they took a walk around the gardens.

After a few minutes, Hank said, “I have a sound check in 30 minutes.” 


Uhhhhhhh....


He didn’t mention that when she was stuck in traffic coming to see him.

“Oh...really? That sucks,” she said.


Then they sat in awkward silence for a second and then Hank spoke up.


"So, do you remember that night when you turned me down to sleep in your hotel room?"

Hahahaha 


Turned him down.

"Umm...yea," Tara said. 


"Well, I met someone else that night and slept in HER hotel room and we are just TOTALLY SMITTEN and I think it's going to be a long-term relationship," he said. 


!!!!!!

"So I wanted to say thank you."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

THANK YOU????


THANK YOU FOR DRIVING ME INTO THE ARMS OF MY REAL TRUE LOVE WHEN YOU TURNED ME DOWN!???

Jesus. 


"Excuse me?" Tara said. "You had me drive 45 minutes just for you to tell me that you're 'smitten' with someone else?"


"Well, yes. I wanted to be honest," he said. 


Hahahahahaha

And then Hank left to go to his "sound check," leaving her in the beautiful gardens alone. 

Hahahahahahahahahaha


OMG.

I've been trying to think of a point for Hank doing this.


Was his EGO really that bruised that he had to "get back at her" somehow?


I mean, was she supposed to feel bad that she hadn't jumped on the chance to sleep with him? 

("Hey, if you had played your cards right, baby, I could be talking to a girl who played me about how I'm smitten with YOU!)


Hahahahahahaha


What a massive asshole. 

What a douche!

How about NO, thank YOU, Hank. 

For showing Tara that she made the absolute right decision that night.

Thanks for turning me down. 

Hahahahahaha


You are welcome, Hank. 


Anytime. 

-Jenny

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