TOOLBAG TUESDAY

Isn’t a relationship about making someone else happy? 

About seeing their face light up with joy over, say, a surprise home-cooked dinner, tickets to a concert or basically any effort at all?

And what’s happier than the happiest place on earth?

Answer: The Harry Potter theme park, also located in Orlando, Florida.

Short PSA announcement: if you’re dating a Harry Potter enthusiast, yes, they’d LOVE to go to the Harry Potter theme park, ThankYouVeryMuch. There’s a dueling dragon ride, Hogwarts castle (omg), butter beer with alcohol and wands and shit.

(For those of you making fun of this, you know if there was a Star Wars theme park you’d pee your pants, so stop.)

My friend Katie, for her part, was making her boyfriend, Andy, happy: she was going on a road trip to Florida with him to meet his mom for the first time. 

Katie and Andy both lived in Texas, but Andy grew up in Orlando. His mom worked at Disney World and she was really excited to meet Katie and give them free tickets to the Disney parks for the whole week.

Free tickets for a whole week in Disney World! A free place to stay!!

Katie was happy.

She met Andy’s mom and they got along great.

His mom brought them to Disney World the first day and she spent the whole day showing them cool things that the average visitor wouldn’t know. Katie was super impressed and took all of his mom’s advice about what parks to visit, what to ride, etc. for the rest of the week.

She said Andy was annoyingly uninterested and cranky, leaving her to pick up 100 percent of the conversation with his mom.

HEY, EEYORE, help a girl out!!

Katie said his mom was so sweet and so happy to be hosting them for a Disney vacation and they were talking on end about how much fun it all was but Andy remained a stick-in-the-mud about the trip...the trip HE suggested they go on.

Katie ignored him, because Snow White ain’t got time for that.

But really, who scowls at their girlfriend meeting-the-parents trip??? That’s best behavior time.

Especially at the happiest place on earth.

The second to last day of their week-long trip, Katie saw that the Harry Potter theme park had just opened nearby.

It wasn’t Disney, but it was a stone’s throw away and she was a massive fan.

“I’d LOVE to go to that!” she told Andy. “Maybe we can go tomorrow, on our last day here?”

Katie figured it would be a break from Disney and his mom. And they could stand to spend SOME money, since practically everything they had done was free or comped.

...Oh, and she had read every single book and watched every single movie and she was almost giddy at the possibility. Andy knew this.

“WHAT?? NO!” Andy said immediately. “No, we’re NOT going to Harry Potter theme park.”

GASP.

JAW DROP.

Katie was taken aback.

“Wait...why?” she said. “You know I love Harry Potter and we’re already in Orlando...”

“BECAUSE I HATE THEME PARKS AND I’VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH THEM!” he said, putting his hand up to his eyebrow, like a salute.

Uhhhh ...this was all new information to Katie.

“Well, it was your idea to come here-“ Katie snapped.

“I’VE PUT UP WITH ALL OF THIS ALL WEEK FOR YOU AND I’M NOT GOING TO ANYMORE!” Andy said angrily. “I’M AT THE END OF MY ROPE FOR YOU!”

Hahahahahaha

Wait...all for her???! 
Was she supposed to be grateful for having to put up with cranky-ass EEYORE all week?

What happened to Prince Charming??

“Ummm you’re also doing this for your mom, who is really excited to hang with us and be able to give us tickets-“

Andy then threw a fit.

“I DON’T CARE! I GREW UP GOING TO THESE PARKS! I DON’T WANT TO GO TO ANY MORE THEME PARKS!”

Basically, he was throwing a tantrum like he was still a toddler in Orlando.

Katie didn’t mention that uh, HELLO, the Harry Potter park JUST OPENED and NO ONE has been there before, not even him when he was growing up. 

(I say growing up loosely).

Katie tried to explain that she was there in the first place to try and make HIM happy by meeting his mom and that she would really appreciate it if he went with her.

NO NO NO! he kept repeating.

UGH.

Katie didn’t want to go alone, so she sadly threw away the Harry Potter theme park brochure, sadder than Neville Longbottom when he lost his toad.

WHAT A DICK!!

One more day of a theme park and rides that would make his girlfriend happy and that was really too hard??

What kind of creature WAS he??? (NAGINI??!?!)

The annoying part is that Andy knew that if he had said yes, Katie’s face would LIGHT UP WITH JOY. He knew that.

Did he care?

Could he suck it up?

No!!!

He turned Katie into a sad Neville Longbottom.

They broke up shortly after they returned to Texas, because who wants to go out with an angry toddler who can’t even ENJOY LIFE for a day to make his girlfriend happy?

It was a perfect example of a much bigger issue in their relationship.

So she Avada Kedavra-d his ass and left. 

And if Andy had gone to the Harry Potter theme park, he’d know exactly what that means.

-Jenny