Tuesday, February 18, 2014

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

I had to Urban Dictionary the term “SMH” because everyone kept writing it on Facebook (I wanna be cool, too!!) and I found out it means “Shaking my head,” like in a bad way.

I haven’t ever used that term, because words need VOWELS (haha nerd), but I’m going to break that rule today because “SMH” is literally the only way to describe what this guy Jackson did to my friend Emily.

Jackson and Emily first met at a bar near her house, and quickly realized they had a lot of friends in common and figured they must have met in passing before.

They exchanged numbers and flirted over text message and in person for months. 

Jackson was very cute. So very cute, in fact, that Emily said he was the cutest guy she had ever met in real life.

And he seemed to like her, which was beyond flattering. He was a graphic designer, which added to his appeal, and she would fantasize about him being her boyfriend.

But in reality, they would just make out late at night outside the bar. 

Until one day, when Jackson asked her out to dinner for the next night. SWOON.

They had a nice time on their date and a lot of wine and when he dropped her off, they uh...dropped both their pants (haha)

Emily said it was REALLY fun and she woke up the next morning feeling awesome (“He’s SO hot!!!”

They both went to work and said they’d text each other later. 

But then Emily didn’t hear from Jackson the entire day. 

Ugh. How annoying.

The “feeling awesome” quickly turned into feeling cheap and gross.

She he had no idea how gross.

For, when Emily woke up the next day, she checked Facebook and looked in horror at her news feed.

Jackson had “checked into” the local hospital. 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT HAPPENED??? DID HE GET HIT BY A CAR???

No.

“Dude. Been peeing blood for a week,” was his caption.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT??????????!!!!

WHAT?????????????

UUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

(You do the math.)

Emily screamed so loud her roommate woke up.

DUDE!!!!!!!!

HE SLEPT WITH HER WITH THIS...CONDITION??

HOW CAN SOMEONE POSSIBLY THINK THAT IT'S OK to sleep with someone after they've been PEEING BLOOD for a week?!?!????


Who DOES that???

REALLY??? WHO???

SMH.

SHAKING MY HEAD!!!!!!!!

Emily sent Jackson the nastiest (fitting) text she has ever sent. 

“How completely horrible to read this on Facebook and to know you and I were together when you had this issue, do I now need to go to the hospital?”

There is no fear quite like finding out the person you slept with the night before has had a prolonged bloody infection in his penis that he neglected to tell you about. 

(And let’s not forget the obvious: you slept with someone who thinks it’s OK to post this news on Facebook. NO ONE WILL LIKE IT.)

Jackson responded saying it wasn’t contagious, it was a kidney stone or two or five at the ripe age of 32.

That didn’t make up for it. The whole thing was completely horrifying.

Is this going to have to be a new question to ask dudes before sleeping with them? 

“Ok, now, let’s go down the list…are you currently peeing blood? Because that’s a non-negotiable.”

It never ceases to amaze me the complete idiots there are in this world, many disguised as hot guys. 

Still today, Jackson refuses to admit he did anything wrong.

Ugh.

PISS OFF, JACKSON! (haha)

SMH...

-Jenny

1 comment:

  1. aaahhhhahhhha! I love the side note commentary.

    ReplyDelete

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