Tuesday, December 3, 2013

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

First of all, thank you thank you thank you to everyone who reached out to me after my last post about moving back to South Carolina.

I had no idea how many of you had similar sentiments and life experiences in New Orleans and beyond, and it’s nice to know I’m not alone.

GROUP HUG!!!

Anyway.

I wouldn’t say I excel at etiquette (even though I do know how to properly hold my knife and fork when cutting meat in both the American and European way…JEEVES!!!)...but I have been trying to learn the polite way to leave town.

As in, I’ve…uh, told people.

Even before yesterday’s blog announcement, I told friends and family members in New Orleans about my decision, my KICKBALL captain, even emailed my South Carolina friends weeks ago asking them to keep their eyes peeled for jobs.

And if I had a boyfriend, I’d be sure to let him know, too.

See??
ETIQUETTE!!!

David, my friend Rebecca’s first love EVER in high school did not have that same courtesy.

Rebecca was a sophomore in high school and David was a senior, and he was a mother’s worst nightmare. He had tattoos and piercings and a drove a big van.

They dated for a few months and were absolutely in love and before his high school graduation they, uh, DID it. For the first time in her life!!!!

Big deal!!!!

Rebecca thought they’d have the best summer of their lives after that, playing in the South Carolina waters and David didn’t very well suggest anything otherwise.

They were in LOVE!

Yet, on a random sunny Thursday, Rebecca went to their mutual friend’s house, where they always gathered. David was not there. Their mutual friends were fidgety.

Something was going on.

“I asked where David was, and my friends couldn't look me in the eye,” Rebecca recalls. “I forced them to tell me and one said, ‘David’s packing.’”

PACKING???

PACKING FOR WHAT???

Better be for a damn picnic!

“He's…moving to California,” the friend said.

!!!!!!!!!!!!

MOVING???

CALIFORNIA??!!

Across the entire country???

!!!!!!!!!

Then it hit her: “Mother f*cker wasn't even going to say goodbye.”

Rebecca was part heartbroken, part FURIOUS with hearing this news - THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE BEST SUMMER OF THEIR LIVES!!!! THE GUY SHE GAVE IT UP TO!– and she wasn’t going to take this news lying down (pun?)

So she bullied one of their friends to drive her around town and track him down.

And here’s where the movie scene begins: 

“The look on his face when I pulled into his driveway and caught him throwing his bags inside the van,” she said.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

“What are you doing?? You’re going to CALIFORNIA??” Rebecca yelled.

“Yea. You KNOW I hate it here,” he said.

Ugh.

Rebecca then asked him why he was going to just leave without saying goodbye.

“Because…I don’t like goodbyes,” he said.

HAHAHAHAHAHA

WHO DOES???!!!

(He should have worn a nametag that said Hello, my name is selfish.)

Rebecca cried and stamped her feet and didn’t understand ANY of it, but David still left, driving away into the sunset, in the least romantic way ever.

Could this get any worse???!!?

Ha. Yes.

(A “hilarious detail,” as Rebecca describes.)

Once she sniffled her way back to their friend’s house, they were all trying to make her feel better, calling David an idiot.

“I mean, did you even SEE his ass tattoo?” one said.

ASS TATTOO??

They only did it in the dark!!!

No…Rebecca said.

Then they showed her a picture. This dude had the word "white" tatted on one ASS cheek and "trash" on the other.

OMG.

For real.

White trash. On the ass.

And THAT...is the opposite of etiquette.

-Jenny

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