Thursday, October 31, 2013

The Great Pumpkin Escape

Yesterday I had a very Charlie Brown day: I finally got around to buying a pumpkin and every grocery store was sold out.

Wuh Wuh Wuhhhhh

The plan for Halloween Eve was that my roommate, Ann, and I would carve pumpkins and then watch the movie Hocus Pocus.

But then, at dusk, as we trekked out for our round blank canvases (and liquor), all of the stores were sold out of round blank canvases.

We physically went to three stores and then called three more. Six grocery stores in a 5 mile-stretch. Not a pumpkin to be found.

The pumpkins!!! They…escaped us.

You know, this has happened to me before (Charlie Brown).

Why can’t grocery stores stock up on enough pumpkins??!!?

Don't they have people in purchasing who should anticipate this problem???

ORDER MORE PUMPKINS!!!! 
ORDER ALL THE PUMPKINS!!!  

IT’S THEIR ONE TIME A YEAR TO SHINE!!!!

It’s extremely hard to think about what places other than grocery stores sell pumpkins when you’re out desperately looking for one.

(Ann and I don’t have children, we don’t know where to find a pumpkin patch.)

I couldn't even remember the last time I SAW a pumpkin for sale.

“Home Depot?” I suggested.

(No...we’re not building a pumpkin)

I listened to my roommate’s side of the conversation as she called every grocery store within five miles as I drove around in circles.

The people in produce had several excuses for the shortage.

One person said the store got a new shipment of pumpkins in today (yay!) but all the pumpkins were gross and had "soft spots" and they had to "send them back."

Hahahha ew

Whatever. Some people would have used them ANYWAY. Spooky soft spot pumpkin brains.

Another store employee said yes.

“YES!!?” Ann repeated, and I accelerated towards the interstate.

“Oh…” she said, and then hung up.

Yes, they DID have pumpkins, but they were the miniature pumpkins – “about the size of my fist,” the lady told her.

(WHAT IS THIS?? A PUMPKIN FOR ANTS??)
  
The great pumpkin shortage happened to me when I lived in South Carolina, and now it's happened in New Orleans. 

It’s a nationwide problem.

I had a bad feeling when I was at Walgreens earlier that day looking for a new book of carving stencils and cheap orange carving tools and was told there weren't any at all.

“We’ve been out of those for three weeks!” A grumpy employee in the photo department said, like I should have known.

THEN ORDER MORE!!!!

This is the real problem. Retail people don’t care about Halloween other than candy. 

THEY DON’T TAKE PUMPKIN CARVING SERIOUSLY!!!!

Ann and I briefly considered swiping our next door neighbors’ uncarved pumpkins that have been sitting on our shared porch for a week, since THEY DON’T TAKE PUMPKIN CARVING SERIOUSLY, EITHER, but we didn’t feel like explaining to them about the “pumpkin thief” in the neighborhood.

Alas, with nothing to carve, we went down the street instead to play bar trivia.

Team name: Where are all the pumpkins???

Ha.
Good grief.

-Jenny

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...