Tuesday, September 10, 2013

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

It's always embarrassing when you're at a restaurant with someone who pays the bill and they leave a horrible tip. 

And by horrible tip I mean NO tip.

It's even worse when this happens on a first date, because you don't know how to address the situation. 

Even worse worse? When the person paying the bill on your first date is a freaking CHEF.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A lifelong restaurant worker who doesn't leave a tip!!??

Gah. That's like going out with a doctor who smokes cigarettes. 

YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW BETTER!!!!!

Tony, the chef, did know better. He's just a jerk chicken.

Tony is the chef and owner of a very prominent restaurant downtown and he met my friend Stacey on this new online dating app called Skout. 

After chatting back and forth about life ("He seemed really successful, witty, charming," Stacey said), they decided to meet for dinner. 

But that's where the romance ended. 

Since he was a foodie, they decided to go to a new fusion restaurant that had just opened, and Tony spent a good portion of the dinner bitching about the food and the service. 

Granted, Stacey said the food was weird, that the hamburger arrived on slices of French bread as a bun and a mojito was served with a side of a meatball. 

(Ed note: HAHAHAHAAHA wtf. Wait, now I kind of want to eat there.)

Anyway.

Stacey tried to steer Tony away from bitching about everything by asking him about his work and his restaurant. But he could say nothing positive there either. 

Most of the conversation was about his business and how hard it was to find good help.

Tony charmed her with a story about "how this one black guy he'd hired had stolen all these knives and a slicer from him and he'd seen the items on Craigslist but the cops wouldn't do anything about it and how there was a reason for stereotypes."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA 

It's always fun to realize you're on a date with a racist.

After Tony was done bitching about the thief, he said his current help is shit and that he asked this one girl he hired as a server to wash green beans and she asked if she should use soap (haha aww) and he fired her.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

(This guy would be hysterial if he wasn't so angry.) 

It quickly became clear that Tony hates servers.
And any server who had the unfortunate pleasure of waiting on him would be his next victim. 

(Uh...good thing he never met me.)

Stacey said it didn't help that Tony had worked himself up into a tizzy about bad help, because his change from the bill came back and the server had rounded up to the nearest dollar rather than bring him back coins, and he was shorted 26 cents.

Tony became furious with the slight of change, since maybe he was going to a gumball machine later (haha), and with a red face he DUG INTO HIS POCKET and pulled out 26 cents. 

Which he left as the tip. 

TWENTY-SIX CENTS AS THE WHOLE TIP!!!

WHICH WAS TECHNICALLY NO TIP.

On a $50 bill!!!

Stacey sat there, jaw dropped, as Tony explained: "She needs to learn to do better."

OMG. How embarrassing.

Stacey didn't know how to handle the situation, so she walked out of the restaurant as quickly as possible hoping the server wouldn't see the non-tip before they left.

This is teaching her a lesson!!???!! 

She probably didn't even know what the 26 cent "tip" meant.

What kind of ASSHOLE lessons would he try and teach HER if they started dating??


Someone should teach him a lesson. 

Or five.

First up: get a white guy to steal his knives.

-Jenny

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