Tuesday, May 14, 2013

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

My dad says there's a lifestyle among some people in New Orleans where they don't work that hard or often, because they don't have to.

"This is a city where you can do the absolute minimum and still survive," he says.  

It's not hard to accomplish. In New Orleans, rent is cheap (if you're not picky), beer is even cheaper and there's a free outdoor party every single weekend that requires no money. 

I know several people in New Orleans who fit into this "only do the minimum" stereotype. I'm sure they exist in other cities, too. 

These are people who don't need to make a lot of money in order to cover living expenses, and have no real additional aspirations other than getting drunk. 

Good for them. They usually post hilarious Facebook pictures.

There's nothing wrong with that lifestyle I suppose, but there is something wrong with insulting people who…uh…maybe don't want to be your girlfriend because of it. 

Joe, this guy my friend Maria dated, was one of those people. 

He unapologetically worked twice a week at a casino and made enough money to drink.
Maria, on the other hand, was getting her Masters and had an office job.

Despite their different life goals, they had a connection and went out together, had sleepovers and watched football.  

Maria noted that their "going out" lifestyle was just as casual as their relationship.

Joe didn't take her out to fancy dinners or buy her elaborate things. …because he barely worked part-time.

Maria didn't care. She's on the compete opposite end of being high-maintenance and/or needing nice things. 

So for those couple of months, she happily went to neighborhood bars and drank cheap beer, didn't say anything when Joe would show up at her house in a different friend's car each week. 

The carefree relationship ended when Joe told Maria one day that he loved her.
It was out of left field, she said, and not at all indicative of the casual nature of their relationship. 

Did she like him? Yes. 

But did she want to invest in someone who had moved twice in the past four months because of "rent issues?" 
Who only worked twice a week? And who just celebrated his 35th birthday? Not really.

Maria admitted she could have blurted out a more polite reaction to him saying that he loved her. But she could only muster up responding, "Get your shit together."

Hahahahaha 

Sign up for a 401K!

Joe flipped out, even as Maria said she tried to explain, "that the next person I'm letting myself fall in love with is someone I may want to marry, and your life is currently too unstable for that."

"...So get your shit together."

Maria thought for a second that the ultimatum might have been what Joe needed to change his lifestyle - a kick in the ass reality check - and he'd at least pick up additional shifts, maybe move out of the Worst Neighborhood In The World.

You know, something to impress her, the woman he was in love with. 

But he didn't. 

Instead, Joe told her that she was shallow and only cared about money (ed note: HAHAHAHAHAHAA)  and they broke up.

…and then he went to the bar for his $2 beers.

(YOU CAN'T FIX MINIMUM!!!)

Now, it's a common rule that you don't talk to your ex's friends about the details of your breakup, because:

1.) they will undoubtedly be on their FRIEND'S side (duh) and 
2.) they don't care.

It's even worse when you not only talk about, but insult your ex to her friends. 

But that's exactly what Joe did. He couldn't consider any truth in Maria's response to him, and decided to unleash on one of her friends who was at the bar.

"Well, isn't your friend Maria just a GOD DAMN PRINCESS?" Joe said.

Hahahahahaha 

Leave it to Joe to make calling someone a princess an insult. He should never visit…uh, Tulane University. 

"No, she's not," her friend replied. "She's actually the opposite of that."

"Well, she acts like she's too GOOD for everybody," Joe said. "All she cares about is MONEY." 

And then OMG, he mocked Maria to her friend, pretending as if he were her, a snotty princess waving a scepter over everyone.

It was hysterical.

Joe couldn't even for a second get his head out of his ass and realize that maybe he could stand to make some lifestyle changes if he wanted someone to take him seriously.

I told Maria her new rule should be to only date people who treat her like royalty. 

At minimum.

-Jenny

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