Tuesday, April 30, 2013

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

Sometimes you can use the fact that people think you're attractive to your advantage. 

Like directions. I've had a number of people go clear out of their way to show me how to get places before. 

Or at Auto Zone, when I need to fix my car. (eyelash bat)

But that type of using people really only applies to strangers, not to take advantage of your friend who likes you. 

James, this guy my friend Julie dated, did just that. He used her when he felt like it, then tossed her aside.

Public Service Annoucement for all the dumbasses in the room: Don't sleep with someone if you don't want them to get the "wrong idea." 

James was a pro at this, as well as setting up super-romantic situations with Julie and then screaming at her when she assumed it was romantic.

They met at a party when he was in the midst of breaking up with his girlfriend. 

James started hanging out with Julie's group of friends and when he and his girlfriend broke up for good, he initiated hookups with Julie, which she didn't mind one bit. 

He seemed great at first. He was funny and they had similar interests and similar jobs.

For the next month, in between hooking up, they spent a lot of time together doing relationshipy things like celebrating birthdays and meeting each other's friends and co-workers, but weren't "committed" since he was fresh off a breakup.

After one hookup, James started acting all relationshipy and said he was going to "miss her" when she went out of town for a week. 

They discussed (while in bed) grabbing dinner and a movie the night before her trip as a proper goodbye. Julie was excited.

DINNER AND A MOVIE!!!!

Yet the day before her trip, James didn't call her back until 20 minutes before the movie was supposed to start.

"What's up?" he said.

Julie then told him that there's only 20 minutes until the movie was supposed to start and did he want to do to a later movie, and still get dinner?

That's when James blew up.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS, A DATE?" he yelled at her, completely out of left field. 

????

(Uhhhhh of course she thought it was a date. Retard.)

Julie remained silent, completely shocked.

"OH, NEXT THING YOU'RE GOING TO SAY IS YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR ME!" James screamed.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

(Uhhhh maybe not now, James.)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

But Julie did have feelings for him. 

She told him that yes, she did have feelings for him, that she wouldn't be hooking up with someone who she didn't have feelings for, but James continued to flip out for no reason. 

Julie told him to get his stuff off her front porch and hung up on him.

She was devastated for weeks, until he wrote her a note saying how awful he felt and how he "lost his best friend." 

They started hanging out again and soon found themselves right back to where they used to be...in bed. 

(I know…forehead slap).

But this time, it seemed different. He started calling her his "girl," in public.  Julie helped him get a new job by pulling some strings in her biology department and he was chosen to do a fellowship abroad. 

Even though Julie was going to miss him when he left for a whole semester, she was so happy for him and even agreed to look after his fish (haha), forward his mail to her place and keep some other things at her apartment.

They exchanged emails back and forth for several weeks after he left, when one day, Julie was feeling frisky and sent him a flirty picture text message halfway across the world.

"DON'T DO THAT" he wrote back, in all caps not even 30 seconds later. "IT'S INAPPROPRIATE!"

?????
Inappropriate???

Oh, no, was he at work???

"Inappropriate?" Julie wrote.

"MY GIRLFRIEND WOULD THINK IT'S INAPPROPRIATE!" James replied.

????????????

Girlfriend?!!!?!?

Way to not mention that at ALL in any email exchanges.

He had a girlfriend?? 

Then what the EFF was SHE??? His personal storage unit? His fish's babysitter????

Ugh.

Flush this relationship down the toilet. 

-Jenny

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...