Someone make him a sign to wear around his neck.
He’s this guy that used to make out with my friend Brittany once a week, at a bar after her kickball game.
Rich didn’t play kickball, but when he saw the hoards of teams walking through the doors while he was waiting for food to go, he stayed, and started chatting with Brittany.
For three weeks, they were enamored with each other. They actually had good, funny conversations between the kissing and even exchanged numbers.
He wasn’t the cutest guy, she said, but he was very charismatic. Which is exactly what she told her kickball team when they asked her about him.
Yea, he’s cute. He makes me feel good, she said. He had texted her that he couldn't wait to see her after the game.
But then things went awry.
At the bar, Rich came up to the large picnic table where Brittany's whole team was sitting and rather than even ADKKNOWLEDGE Brittany, he sat next to Laura, another member of the team.
And then he started blatently hitting on Laura.
Who, for the record, has a boyfriend.
Brittany was hurt, and the entire team was uncomfortable, not knowing how to react.
“So, he basically embarrassed me in front of all my friends,” Brittany recalls.
Laura told Rich she had to use the restroom, and then never returned. All the other members of the team had similar excuses and left.
That’s when Brittany confronted Rich.
“What are you doing hitting on my friend? She has a boyfriend,” Brittany said, sticking with the facts. “You’re making everyone uncomfortable.”
“What are you talking about? I’m not hitting on anyone,” Rich said.
“You were sitting right next to her and only talking to her and telling her how cute she was,” Brittany said.
“No I wasn’t.”
“Ok,” Brittany said sarcastically and then left the bar.
The next day, Rich texted Brittany.
“I really like you,” he wrote.
Brittany, one of my sassier friends, responded with, “Oh, this isn’t Laura. This is Brittany.”
That’s when Rich called her.
“I only hit on Laura last night to get a rise out of you,” he said. “I just wanted to see your reaction.”
“Oh, are we in third grade now?” Brittany responded.
“No, I just didn’t know how else to tell if you really, really liked me,” he said.
"You were trying to make me jealous?" Brittany asked.
(Seriously, who does that?? And then admits to it???)
She continued, “I think this is just your lame ass excuse for hitting on my friend,” she said. “Either way it sucks.”
“You want to go to lunch?” Rich asked.
Brittany hung up, not caring whatsoever if that got a rise out of him.