Tuesday, October 23, 2012

TOOLBAG TUESDAY


Yes, the right way to impress a hot bartender is to give her a 50 percent tip on a single whiskey drink.

The wrong way to do it? Shoving the tip down the back of her shirt.

Umm...It’s not an ice cube. And we’re not in middle school.

Yes, Leo, this odd hipster did this to my friend Frannie at a fancy party at the upscale bar where she works on the weekends.

It was a film festival party, and Leo showed up late, drunk, and ordered a Maker’s Mark.

Frannie poured him one. He insisted on paying for it, even though it was an open bar, so Frannie pocketed it. 

Then Leo started hitting on her, which she was supremely uninterested in, but was able to ignore him because she thankfully had bartender things to do like sweep and cut limes.

(Why do I get hit on by all the lemons?? She thought. haha bartender joke.)

Frannie then noticed that Leo had wandered over to a group of older ladies and started hitting on them. Thank GOD, she thought.

Leo had left his drink at the bar and she moved it to the counter by the register and continued sweeping, cutting up limes.

It was getting to be last call by that point, and Frannie made her way over to the little round tables to clear drinks and tell people that it was almost time to go.

That’s when Leo popped up behind her.

“WHERE’S MY DRINK???” he demanded.

“I put it behind the bar, I’ll get it in a second,” Frannie said, tending to tables.

Leo didn’t want to wait. By the time Frannie turned around, Leo was not only behind the bar, but was punching buttons on the server computer, hitting “void” and “no sale,” and the change drawer would open up.

“WOOOAHHHH!” he said.

Frannie rushed over.

“Stop it.” she said.

“WHERE’S MY DRINK???” he demanded again.

“Here,” she said and handed him his untouched whiskey.

Leo then looked at her, “in a creepy way,” she describes, and said, “HEY….I never tipped you for my drink.”

“No, it’s OK,” Frannie insisted, since she had tipped herself on what he spent on the free drink.

She then excused herself and walked over to another table, a group of people she knew FROM HER DAY JOB, and chatted with them about  the festival and movies, etc., etc.

Suddenly Leo showed up behind her.

“I DIDN’T GIVE YOU A TIP!” he insisted, as everyone stopped talking and stared at him.

“No, it’s OK, REALLY,” Frannie said. Then she bent over to pick up her co-workers' empty glasses.

That’s when Leo took full advantage of her exposed, uh, SHOULDERS, and shoved money down her back, touching her bare skin with the crumpled bills.

!!!!!!!!!

Who does that???  
(WHO THROWS A SHOE??? HONESTLY!)

Frannie thought it was a spider and yelped, almost dropping the glasses she was picking up.

“WHAT THE---?” she flailed her arms trying to retrieve what was down her shirt....in front of everyone.

It was mortifying. And confusing.

“TIP!” Leo declared, then left the bar.

LEFT THE BAR!!!  Haha he Hhdidn’t even wait to see if his contribution was well-received.

...It wasn’t.

Frannie apologized to her co-workers, with the cash still stuck underneath her bra hook, and walked back to the server station, grossed out.

It took her a minute to contort her body to fetch it.

She pulled out three dollars.

THREE DOLLARS!!! Hahahahahaha

Really Leo?? Three dollars?? 

The cost of a lime???

More like a lemon.

-Jenny

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