Tuesday, September 4, 2012

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

When you have a proper boyfriend or girlfriend, you should ideally feel confident with that person – that person who (cue dramatics) chose YOU!!! Chose YOU to BE with and LOVE with and GROW with, blah, blah blah.

But everyone has their insecurities.

Some are justifiable, like a pretty co-worker of his who HE ends up dating very soon after ya’ll break up, and you can't help but wonder if romance was brewing while the two of YOU were together.

(Um, for example. Shithead.)

Other insecurities are not so justifiable, like how Julian, my friend Kathy’s boyfriend, broke up with her because she laughed after someone made a dirty joke about how attractive another guy was.

“Oh, you think that’s FUNNY??” he asked her, making a scene at the pool party.

“SO YOU THINK THAT GUY’S HOT, TOO? IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK??”

It was a birthday pool party and all the girls were cracking jokes, including a joke about how HOT one of the girl’s boyfriend was.

He was classically good-looking, like Gaston from Beauty and the Beast. Perhaps Julian had been insecure about him all day and the joke was the icing on the jealously cake.

Not only was Gaston hot, but he also would go around giving people massages. (“CREEPY!” Julian said. haha.)

After a few drinks, one girl made a joke, so much of a joke it was said IN FRONT OF GASTON’S GIRLFRIEND, that included Gaston’s body and massage oil and it was kinda dirty.

Like, “I can almost ____  _____  ____ and then ____ ____ ____ when he gives massages!”

Everyone, including Gaston's girlfriend and Kathy, cracked up laughing.

Julian did not think it was funny.

He felt that Kathy laughing meant that she agreed with the dirty comment, that she’d also like to ___ and _____ , and he got incredibly insecure about it.

It didn’t matter that he and Kathy had been dating (off and on) for OVER A YEAR, nor did it matter that SHE didn’t originally come up with the comment.

I mean, it wasn’t like she outwardly agreed. She didn’t say, “Oh, man, if I was only single, I’d ____ ______ ______.”

No. (Cue dramatics) Her laugh was all he needed to hear.

He was insulted and upset. And every time he was upset, he’d break up with her.

“I can’t BELIEVE you!” he shouted, drawing attention.

“Believe what? I can’t laugh at something that’s funny?” Kathy asked. “What’s your problem?”

“My problem is that we’re DONE,” Julian said. “You can move your things out.”

And then he folded his arms like a baby.

!!!!!
MOVE OUT!!!
FOR LAUGHING AT A JOKE!!!!

“Are you serious right now??!” Kathy asked. It was a typical conversation, but this was by far his most ridiculous reason to break up with her to-date.

Julian left the party in a huff and Kathy started crying, prompting Gaston to come over and ask if she needed a massage.

Then everyone started laughing again.

-Jenny

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