Tuesday, August 14, 2012

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

I will never, ever understand why married people cheat. 
You’ve got someone already!!!! Stability!!! Someone who loves you and would bring you breakfast in bed if you ask nicely!!!

You don’t have to wonder anymore how someone feels about you!! Like, I know you love me baby, see, you signed your name here, here and here.

So, why do these (ring-less) married guys go out and flirt with other people? WHAT, BREAKFAST IN BED DOESN’T DO IT FOR YOU???

It’s incredibly greedy.

And ALSO nobody ever mentions when a married guy crosses the line with an unsuspecting chick, how she feels when she finds out.

You know how she feels? Like a cheap wh0re.

This is exactly how my friend Jessie felt Saturday night, after she made out with the drummer of a band after the show, who turned out to be very much married.

His name was David and Jessie had seen him play before with very good bands in New Orleans. She said he always took a liking to her – coming up to her after shows to talk to her, telling her she was gorgeous, etc. He even gave her his number.

After one particularly late night show, David sat next to her at a booth in the corner and they made out, just for a little bit.

He got her cell phone number and told her he really liked her.

“Ahh!! Can you believe I just made out with him?” Jessie asked her friend at the bar, who knew most of the members of the band.

“Wait, what?” her friend said. “David? That guy’s married.”

 Jessie’s drunk heart fell.

Married? MARRIED??

GROSS.
He certainly didn’t mention a wife, and he wasn’t wearing a ring. 

Now what was she, some sort of “other woman?” (Let’s hope a private investigator wasn’t lurking, taking pictures).

Jessie walked right over to David, interrupting his conversation with someone at the bar.
“Are you married??” she demanded loudly.

“Yea,” he said. “But me and you, we’re just kickin it.”

KICKIN IT!!! 

Lose my number,” Jessie said dramatically and left the bar to catch a cab. She was furious and embarrassed.

She went home and passed out right away. The next day, when she woke up, she had FOUR missed calls from David. (The exact OPPOSITE of losing her number.)

What did he need to say at 4 a.m. exactly? Was his wife out of town?? Was he trying to get an invitation over to her house?

Jessie rolled her eyes and went back to bed.

The next time she woke up, an hour later, she saw a text from him.
“Are you still mad at me?”

Ha.

“Tell your wife hi” Jessie wrote back.

“I’m sorry. We can be friends. No making out,” David wrote.

“…anymore” Jessie replied.  “Lose my number.”

She already had enough friends. Enough friends to boycott going to any of David’s shows ever again.

And certainly no more shows with cover charges so he can take that money and spend it on people who are NOT his wife.

Maybe he’ll get KICKED out the band. Or KICKED out his house.

Any type of KICKING, really…to the crotch.

-Jenny

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