Tuesday, June 12, 2012

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

Unwritten rule of society #2,345:

If your girlfriend’s roommate’s is in her assigned bedroom and when you walk by you see through the crack in her door that she’s changing clothes, you may not presume to be a disgusting peeping Tom.

Of course, this is exactly what (let’s just call him) Tom did to my friend Kelly, and he had pressed his head against her bedroom door so hard that it actually came ajar, mid-panty change.

That’s odd, Kelly thought, looking around for her cat, who often came in and out of her room. She didn't see the cat, and then thought nothing of it, but remembers it distinctly.

Then Tom sold himself out.

A few months later, there came a point where Kelly’s roommate was proposing that Tom move in with them (of course, he wouldn't technically be on the lease and wouldn't be responsible for any sort of deposit.)

But he’d split the bills, kill roaches, etc.

Kelly agreed, since Tom already spent every single night anyway so why not take a rent cut.

That’s when Tom, HER NEW ROOMMATE, sat on the couch with her one day, just the two of them, and said, “Yea, I pushed your door open when you were changing the other day, but it’s OK, don’t feel weird about it. I was turned on.”

UM.

WHAT

HE WAS TURNED ON??  BY SPYING ON SOMEONE UNKNOWINGLY??....WHO WAS HIS GIRLFRIEND’S ROOMMATE??

AND SHE SHOULDN'T FEEL WEIRD ABOUT IT???

As Kelly recalls, “I almost threw up.”

I mean, really.
WTF.

Was he fishing for some sort of threesome?? Because I know no one who would be down for that with their boyfriend and roommate…especially under those circumstances.

(God, I never knew how much I liked Tom until I caught him spying on me naked!!! How flattering!!!!
NOT.)

Kelly didn’t know how to tell her roommate that Tom was a big fat perv, so in typical fashion she let it slip one day when they were drunk.

The roommate was livid. She called Tom into the room and screamed at him. There were a lot of “WTF’s” and “What else are you doing” acusations as Kelly slowly went to her (semi-private?) bedroom.

Kelly was furious when she overheard Tom say that SHE, KELLY, “needed to be more 'aware,' because if I can see in her room, she should lock her door.”

Right...because obviously this was HER bad. She MADE it so Tom had no choice but to stand right by her door and push it open...with his face.

Kelly was then devastated as Tom "talked her out of" kicking him out.

TWO TOOLBAGS!!!

So…if anyone has a nice one bedroom available for rent…with blinds…

-Jenny

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