Tuesday, May 22, 2012

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

I read in Cosmo last week that 48 percent of guys LIKE it when a girl they just met asks them to be Facebook friends the next day.

“Ree-hee-heally?” I said aloud in my best Ace Ventura accent.

Guys like that??

Because I would have thought that a 24-hour turnaround time would be too forward.

Like, BE MY FRIEND!! IMMEDIATELY!!!!
I WANT TO SEE EVERY SINGLE TAGGED PICTURE OF YOU!!
LET ME TAKE STOCK OF YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND(S) AND HOLD IT AGAINST YOU LATER!!!

Just kidding...not everyone does that.

But, really though, I would have thought guys would prefer you wait until after a few dates, or after a few text message threads, so you don’t come off as desperate or creepy or stalker-like.

But clearly...WTF do I know??

Because I would have thought that everything my friend Jessica did to see Kurt again was perfect.

Jessica and Kurt met a few weeks ago on a Friday night at a music concert. He was cute and had a nice beard. They both liked the same bands, had mutual friends who played music, talked all night...and then they spent the night together.

...but they didn’t do anything other than make out...mom.

No, Jessica was drunkenly insistent that they just stick to kissing (guys like that, right?? Hahahahahaha) but Kurt was a good sport and they laughed as he lined up the pillows on her bed between them to make a “wall.”

Of course, the wall was taken down and she said he sweetly cuddled her all night. Swoon!

The next day, he left her house and kissed her goodbye on the forehead....the FOREHEAD people!!

Jessica woke up smiling, hours later. But then realized she didn’t have his phone number. 
(She now says, “that should have been a sign.”)

But she was half-asleep when he left, so maybe he didn’t want to wake her to get her number, she reasoned.

Jessica had plans that day to go to a street festival, which included live music, and she hoped Kurt would be there. He was so cute!! And sweet!! 

Then she remembered that Kurt knew her good friend John, who was performing at the street festival.

John was a super cool, well-liked musician around town.

PERFECT! Jessica thought.

When she got to the festival, she walked up to John, who was setting up his equipment for the show.

“Hey, you know Kurt right?” Jessica asked.

“Yea,” John said.

“Do you think you could you text him and ask him if he’s coming to the festival?” Jessica said. “I met him last night.”

“Sure,” John said.

He pulled out his phone and sent the text, “hey man you should come see the band play today.”

Jessica waited and waited. And then, right in the middle of the set, Kurt arrived. 
Jessica was elated.

“Hey!” she said enthusiastically when he walked up, doing her best to fake a surprise to see him.

He gave her a cool, stand offish hug.
Jessica was confused. Where were the forehead kisses??

“Did you ASK John to text me to come meet you here?” Kurt asked immediately.

Crap.

“Oh..no..” Jessica lied. “I told him that we met last night, but I didn’t ask him to text you.”

Another lie.

Jessica was suddenly completely embarrassed. Why would he jump to THAT conclusion??
And, besides, would it be so terrible that she wanted to see him again?

I mean, she didn’t drive by his house or stop by his work or anything. It wasn’t like she was a crazy B*tch and STOLE John’s phone and got Kurt’s number out of it.

It was a street festival!
Why was he making her feel like a lame ass?

This was turning into a Dr. Jeykl and Mr. Hyde situation.

I gotta go,” Kurt said, almost disgusted, and walked away.

He left the festival and Jessica never heard from him or saw him again.

Whatever, jerk.
Be flattered.

Don't make someone wish she should have Facebook friend requested you instead.

-Jenny

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