Tuesday, April 10, 2012

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

Every good American dreams about winning the lottery.

What would you do if you won? How would you spend it? Obviously, you’d take the payout. Duh.

But what if...what IF...your significant other won the lottery???

AHHHH!!! 

Would you get a nice, big fat rock on your finger? Would you travel together for months visiting exotic places?? 

Would he, uh, pay off your credit card bill???

I’ll tell you what Ben did. He broke up with my friend Rachel, moved out of their apartment and out-of-state, leaving her to pay rent by herself.

GAW.

Ben didn’t exactly win the lottery. But his grandfather passed away when they were together and he inherited a BUTT LOAD of money and a HUGE farmhouse in Colorado. (They have farms in Colorado???)

By BUTT LOAD, I mean upwards of half a million dollars. 

Enough so that he didn’t have to do the 9-5 daily grind for a few years. Enough so that he could TRAVEL TO EXOTIC PLACES.
Enough so that he could pretty much do whatever the EFF he wanted.

Ben and Rachel met in college and dated for years. He was good-looking and nice they were really good together. 

He was so (seemingly) into her that he even moved from South Carolina to Florida with her so she could take a job. 

They got an apartment together and were just getting adjusted to the north Florida culture (haha oxymoron!!!) when Ben’s grandfather passed away. 

A week later, Ben moved out. 

Rachel said he picked a fight about something really dumb, declared they were broken up and abruptly moved to the farmhouse in Colorado. 

Like, ABRUPTLY.

This was not the fantasy Rachel had played out in her head. Where was the freaking plane ticket to Bali???? Where were the fancy dinners??

WHY WASN’T SHE INVITED TO THE FARMHOUSE IN COLORADO???

“WHAT THE HELL??!” Rachel called him, furious, not only because he ditched her, but because the first of the month was coming up and she couldn’t afford the entire rent by herself.

“Look, obviously we’ve been having problems for awhile,” Ben said.

This was news to Rachel. Three months earlier, he had moved with her to another state. 
He told her he loved her. They had discussed marriage.

“Why didn’t you talk to me about these ‘problems’??” Rachel asked. “You didn’t have to just leave.”

“NO! It was too late!” Ben said dramatically. “There was nothing we could do to fix them!”

“WHAT PROBLEMS?!?!” Rachel kept screaming.

I think the problem was that he now had half a million dollars and a farmhouse. 

MO MONEY, MO PROBLEMS!

I mean, even if his concerns were valid, it was convenient timing, no? 

Their "problems" suddenly: 
a.) existed and 
b.) were too big to even discuss...now that he’s in a higher tax bracket??

I think the polite thing to do would be to at least give her a consolation prize on his way outta dodge.

Like pay off her credit card bill. 

Or pay to get her out of their lease on the apartment.

Perhaps there’s a nice pig on the farm he could leave to her, so she could always remember him.

-Jenny

1 comment:

  1. A man's wife comes home from work and he asks, "What would you do if I won the lottery?" She says, "I'm your wife, I'd take my half and leave you." To which he replied, "Well, I won $12. Here's six. Get out."

    ReplyDelete

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