Tuesday, December 13, 2011

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

I’ve never been someone who is just dying to get married.

I have friends who are dying to get married and I listen to their reasons and all, but I feel like getting married is something you do when you’re all grown up and stop day drinking.

But Jack didn’t know that.

If I had been someone who was overly obsessed with getting married, he would have gotten a slap to the face.

Jack and I were both in the same wedding party and he was already annoying in that he hooked up with a bridesmaid the night before and ignored her the next day at the wedding, making group pictures uncomfortable.

All the groomsmen were being quite annoying that day, scattering around and not taking the professional photos seriously, although they did share their Jameson with us.

After the ceremony and group pictures, I was anxious to get into the reception. My friends who I hadn’t seen in a long time (and my then-boyfriend) were partying and eating oysters and watching an LSU game and I was missing it.

“Can we go inside now??” I asked the fussy wedding planner.
“No,” she said. “We need to get the entire wedding party to line up and follow the bride and groom into the reception.”

The bride and groom were still taking photos by themselves.
All the bridesmaids were lined up perfectly. Only one groomsman was in line.

“Where is everyone else??” I asked him.
“They’re in the reception.”
“WHAT!”

I wanted to be in the reception! They probably didn’t even know we had to line up. So I marched inside and tapped each one on the shoulder.

“Hey, can you come outside and line up?” I asked, longfully waving to my friends who were already celebrating.

Each groomsman was confused and irritated they had to walk back outside (YEA, I KNOW THE FEELING) and when I walked back to the line, every groomsman followed...except for Jack.

“WHAT THE F---?” I said, as the wedding planner started hyperventilating and the bride and groom were walking towards the line.

“We can’t walk in unless EVERYONE is here,” she said. “They are announcing each of your names.”

At this point, we had all been waiting for over 20 minutes and I was hungry and I wasn’t about to wait longer because someone can’t follow simple instructions.

I walked back to the reception, found Jack flirting with someone and interrupted the conversation.

“Hey, Jack, everyone is lined up except you, can you come please? Outside the tent?”
He ROLLED HIS EYES, making me feel like a huge bitch but I didn’t care because at least he followed.

Finally we were all in line, ready to go inside.
I couldn’t have been happier.

Yet, what should have been an adorable moment of watching my best friend and her new husband being presented for the first time as a married couple, Jack had to ruin the moment.

“Woah, look at little Miss NAG over here,” he said loudly as we were all about to walk in. “Now I know why YOU’RE not the one getting married.”

ALL THE OTHER GROOMSMAN STARTED LAUGHING and my jaw dropped as a gracious bridesmaid turned around and called him an asshole.

And that’s how I ended up walking into the reception of my best friend’s wedding with a red face feeling super self-conscious even though everyone was clapping and my hair looked awesome.

I should have pointed out that I didn’t see a ring on his finger either, but I was too shocked and embarrassed.

I guess that's what happens when someone THROWS THE FACT THAT YOU’RE NOT MARRIED IN YOUR FACE and then points out that it must be because of your personality.

I then realized that while I DON'T have a deep desire to get married, I’d at least like to be considered marriage material, rather than an annoying nag.


I just wanted to get into the reception! I wailed to my friends as I recapped what Jack said. I wasn’t even being that nagg-y!!! This is all the wedding planner's fault!!!

They repeated what the fellow bridesmaid called him and told me to get over it, but I was still upset.
SEE? I CAN’T LET THINGS GO!!! I'M SO NEUROTIC!! THIS IS WHY I’M NEVER GETTING MARRIED!


(My then-boyfriend was too enthralled by the LSU game to console me.)


After awhile, I started to feel better, thanks to a bit of a reality check and the delightful sangria they were serving.

I mean, who needs to get married, anyway?

I’m not a grown up yet.

Here’s to day drinking.

-Jenny

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