This one seems appropriate for today, All Saints Day.
(...or “Day of the Dead” depending on which country you live in or whether you’re currently enrolled in a Spanish class.)
Ryan, who dated my friend Kim, used his grandmother’s funeral as an excuse for why he couldn’t hang out with her.
When really, he was being consoled by the other girl he was seeing on the side.
This situation was only possible because Kim and Ryan were in a long-distance relationship (Don’t do it kids!!) and, therefore, it was easy for Ryan to date someone in his own area code while still calling Kim on the side.
Things were great for Ryan – getting his fill of both ladies and all...TOOLBAG... – until Kim flew to town for St. Patrick’s Day to go to a wedding.
It was a last-minute decision to attend, and Ryan had obviously not cleared this unexpected visit with his in-town girlfriend, Sarah, who Kim knew because she was his ex right before Kim came into the picture.
Three days before Kim flew to town, Ryan’s grandmother died.
Her death wasn’t a surprise exactly, but it was too soon.
She was very sweet and she and Ryan were very close.
When Ryan texted Kim the news, she wrote back messages of love and prayers, blah blah, blah.
“I’m sorry I won’t be able to hang out much this weekend,” Ryan texted.
“I totally understand.” Kim wrote back.
Thinking back, Kim should have wondered more about why she wasn’t invited to any of Ryan’s family’s gatherings surrounding the funeral.
She had met his family after all - more than once - and had even eaten dinner at that grandmother’s house.
And she was his girlfriend!
But she figured people deal with grief in different ways and boys don’t like it when you see them cry so she gave him space.
Kim went to the wedding and a St. Patrick’s Day parade, and texted Ryan non-stop.
He sent her back vague texts not really saying where he was, always ending it with “Too sad to do anything.”
Kim flew back home without seeing Ryan for even a minute that weekend.
But where Ryan couldn’t tell the truth, MySpace could.
Oh yea. 2006 baby.
Not even a week later, Kim logged on to MySpace and saw pictures tagged of Ryan and Sarah doing all sorts of things that weekend.
(How did she know it was that same weekend? Because everyone was wearing green. And beads.)
In horror, Kim clicked on picture after picture that Sarah, HIS OTHER GIRLFRIEND, had uploaded of them.
Ryan did not mention in any of his texts that he and Sarah were hanging out.
Oh, there were lots of pictures. Pictures of them dressed in green, pictures of them dressed in green with his arm around her, pictures of them dressed in green attending a St. Patrick’s Day parade.
PICTURES OF THEM DRESSED NICE... IN ALL BLACK.
PICTURES OF THEM OUTSIDE THE CHURCH WHERE THE FUNERAL WAS HELD.
‘Too sad to do anything’ MY ASS!
So, not only was he two-timing both of them, but Ryan actually used his grandmother’s death to say that’s the reason why he couldn’t hang out.
He was off the hook.
Clearly, he wasn’t too sad to go to a parade. Or put his arm around HIS OTHER GIRLFRIEND.
Kim broke up with him immediately.
And she didn’t mourn the relationship for even a second.