Tuesday, October 4, 2011

TOOLBAG TUESDAY

As it turns out, guys reading their girls’ diary is pretty common.

TOOLBAGS.

After last week’s entry, I was told by several girl friends about how their boyfriends also took it upon themselves to read their inner most thoughts and feelings without permission.

Among those, the story of Brian reading my friend Alyssa’s diary is by far the best.

Because Brian didn’t just read her diary. He wrote his OWN entry for her to find, and made notes throughout the book.

Brian was nuts about Alyssa, but not like the cute expression.
He was actually nuts.
Certifiably nuts.

As such, when he found her diary one day when she was out running errands (found it lying on top of a bookshelf under other books topped with a figurine and blocked by a picture frame), he flipped out.

OK, so maybe the diary was more of a burn book for all her ex’s.

As she describes: “Each guy had a page to himself which summed up the good and bad in the relationship.”
(HEY! IT’S HER DIARY SHE CAN FORMAT IT HOWEVER SHE WANTS.
)

Brian flipped out about the number of ex-boyfriends that she had written about.
And he flipped out about the entry Alyssa wrote about him entitled, “Reasons Brian is crazy.”

(Crazy people really hate the “C” word.)

One reason Alyssa listed?
How Brian was so jealous and angry that one night he thought another guy was hitting on her when really the guy was so drunk that he just kept running into her...and everyone else.

Despite her telling Brian the guy was just annoying and drunk, Brian picked him up by his ears and head butted him at the bar. There was blood.

Someone more sane reading that may have self-reflected about how that was an over-reaction.
Not Brian. He didn’t see anything crazy about that, and he decided that Alyssa was the crazy one.

After getting a cryptic, "You think I'm crazy...You are crazy! Don't ever call me again," text an hour after she left the house, Alyssa knew he must have read the diary.
Yet, when she came home, it was in its place, seemingly untouched.


She checked her laptop-nothing. She looked for something that could have set him off-nothing. Then she looked over at her diary and took it off the shelf. 


To her horror, Brian had added THREE PAGES entitled, “Let's Talk About Crazy..." and listed 30 examples of how SHE was crazy and he wasn’t.

“He had written me into my own bash book,” Alyssa said. “Pretty funny stuff.”

Not only that, but he took a highlighter and went through the entire book commenting on other guys’ pages and placing CHECK MARKS where necessary.

Then, as if it couldn't get any worse, Brian made his own list of all the ex’s she wrote about and took to his MySpace page to find the guys and let them know exactly what she had written about them.

(He also added his own details).

OMG.
MORTIFYING.

And then, because he was obsessed with the idea that she was cheating on him, he hacked into HER MySpace page and messaged the same guys saying, “thanks for the other day, it was great seeing you...by the way when was that...I can't remember??”

...hoping one of them would say that it was last weekend and then he could “catch” her cheating on him.

A plan which never panned out.

Two days later, he broke into Alyssa’s apartment (using a hidden key) only to leave a note on her kitchen table to tell her that their relationship was over.
 


“Right...who would ever think this guy was crazy????” Alyssa recalls.

Uhhh, for real.
Her diary should be added to his mental health records, for when he will no doubt be sent somewhere for observation.

-Jenny

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